We are the proud parents of two boys. Our oldest is going to be 4 years old in June, and our youngest is 2 months old. Our oldest, Sebastian, was an incredibly fussy baby. He was (and still is) very sensitive to his environment and very emotionally in tune with everyone around him. He is like an amplifier of everyone else’s emotions, and when we are feeling anxious or stressed out, he reflects it strongly. So when he was a baby and he would feel tired, hungry, overstimulated, uncomfortable and so on, he would quickly get upset as our own feelings escalated. We spent a LOT of time soothing him, and I will be honest – it was often very tiring. On top of him being so sensitive and fussy, he had trouble sleeping so he was often tired, and in the first few weeks we struggled with getting breastfeeding off to a good start. There was a lot to be cranky about in his little life!
This time around, we have been blessed with Corben, an incredibly calm, content baby. He quietly takes in the world, and offers a smile to anyone who looks his way. He only fusses when there is a problem, and in his 2 months of life there have literally only been a handful of times when he escalated to actual crying. When it does get to that point, he calms down as soon as the problem is taken care of. These two sweet little boys have such different personalities, and it has been such a gift to me to be able to watch each of them develop into the very different people they are becoming.
The differences between our two boys has made me spend a lot of time reflecting on our older child and the gifts he has given us. I truly believe that because he was such a fussy baby, he taught us to be much better parents. If our calm, quiet baby was our firstborn child, I think that we could easily have just done what was easiest with him rather than what was the best for him. He would have easily stayed for hours at a time in a swing or bouncy seat. He could sit and people-watch quietly from an infant car seat in a corner of the room. But because Sebastian had needed so much physical contact and love and affection simply to help him feel more comfortable, that’s what we did with Corben, because it’s how we had learned to parent based on the needs of our child.
In the years that have passed since we were the parents of a cranky little baby, I have done a lot of research about infant development. I have learned how important it is for babies to be parented in the same way that our child had taught us to parent. The frequent physical contact, soothing touch, eye contact and interaction stimulates brain development. It helps babies practice their new skills all across the spectrum – language, movement, vision. They learn to completely trust their loving parent, and having such a strong connection will last a lifetime.
So this time around, even though our baby would probably be happy to sit in the stroller while we walk through town, I wear him on my body in my beloved Moby wrap. Even though he would probably sleep for several hours at a time in a crib in his own bedroom, he sleeps next to us in our bed. Even though he would probably lie in his bassinet and look at toys dangling to entertain himself, we take turns holding him and keeping him involved with the rest of the family.
To be honest, this actually makes my job a lot easier, and sometimes I almost feel like I’m cheating in some way. He is constantly having his needs met, so he is constantly happy. We never stress ourselves out trying to train him out of things that are normal for a young baby, such as frequent nursing or short stretches of sleep. Sebastian never slept more than 2 hours at a time during the night. However, if we’d simply always had him right next to us in bed, or at least had his crib alongside me so I could just lean over to take care of him, we all probably would have slept much more peacefully at night. Once we finally realized that co-sleeping was the answer, he was already six months old and we were totally exhausted.
So, I am thankful to my handsome, funny, smart, entertaining son for teaching me some important lessons about raising a baby. Just give them exactly what they show you they need. If they want to nurse frequently, it is for a good reason that they are unable to tell us about, so just let them nurse as much as they need. Same with needing to be held and carried, or waking up frequently at night. For us it helps to try to find a way to meet our baby’s needs as often as necessary without causing a big disruption to everyone else. That’s why we sleep next to each other at night, nurse often, and hold him throughout the day. When we just calmly give him what he needs as often as he needs it, we have more time and energy to devote to other areas of our lives – especially the handsome, funny, smart, entertaining little man I mentioned at the top of this paragraph!
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